


She Wasn't Wrong

by TabisMouse (Mousieta)



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Canon, First Love, M/M, Pining, Pre-debut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2019-11-25 23:42:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18173006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mousieta/pseuds/TabisMouse
Summary: Jiyong is stuck in a relationship that isn't working.TW: Seungri is in this story as a minor character





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted on Asianfanfics in 2014. It is unfinished and will remain so. Originally posted with the following foward:
> 
> My second attempt at a fic. This one is dedicated to Nati. I told her I'd try to write some Gdae - because there is an alarming lack of it in the world. This is pretty unedited and unbeta'ed but I just want to get it out there. If you see any glaring errors, let me know.

He sighed into the phone.

 

“Ji!” Her voice was sharp. “Are you listening?”

 

“Of course I am. I’m just a little tired.” He responded, sitting a little straighter in his chair and running a hand through his hair.

 

“Look, I already said I’m sorry. It’s not my fault. There was a problem with a light so we got started late, and the photographer was being so picky. It’s not my fault the shoot ran late. I got home as soon as I could to call you. I haven’t even eaten.” She was going on the defensive.

 

He sighed again, making sure to cover the receiver first.

 

“No, no, I understand. I do. Things happen. It’s ok.” He stared at his foot resting on his knee. “You should get something to eat, if you haven’t eaten yet.”

 

He looked at the bed right across from him. His body ached to lay down, but if he did he’d pass out. He uncrossed his aching legs.

 

“I wanted to talk to you. I haven’t seen you in almost a month and we haven’t talked in 3 days.” She whined.

 

“We talked last night.” He reminded her, slumping forward to rest his elbows on his knees, cheek and phone resting on one hand while the other poked at the bed distractedly.

 

“We said goodnight. We didn’t talk. Not really. You fell asleep after only 10 minutes.” She accused.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Silence drifted between them. He could hear her breaths, sharp and tense.

 

“Are you asleep?”

 

Ji’s head snapped up. “No, no babe. Not asleep.”

 

“Good night, Ji.” she huffed. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. What time are you getting up? I’ll set my alarm.”

 

“You don’t have to.” Inwardly Ji groaned.

 

“No, love, I want to. What time.”

 

Ji racked his brain.

 

“Ji!”

 

“Sorry, um 5, 5am.” He stifled a yawn and tipped forward, head sinking down to the bed.

 

“Ok I’ll call you in the morning.”

 

“Mmmhmmm.” Ji nodded into his comforter. He rolled his head to look at his clock on the nightstand. “You mean in 3 and a half hours.”

 

“Yes, Ji. Sleep well. Goodnight.” She hung up without waiting for his response.

 

Jiyong let the phone fall from his ear. It slipped from the bed and clattered to the floor. He groaned as he stretched onto the bed. He half heard his phone vibrating in short bursts along the floor as he drifted off to sleep.

 

Hours later he awoke to a soft tapping on his bedroom door. He cracked an eye open to see Daesung’s head appear from around his open door, blonde hair catching the little bits of moonlight filtering through his curtains. His bandmate slipped quietly into the room, bearing a steaming mug. He crossed the room and placed the mug on Ji nightstand.

 

“Hyung.” His voice was soft. Ji felt a warm hand gently stroke his hair. “Hyung, it’s time to wake up.” Jiyong turned into the touch, smile coming, unbidden, to his lips.

 

“Daesung-ah,” Ji croaked, “5 more minutes.”

 

He opened his eyes to look up at Daesung. “Kay, hyung, I brought your coffee. I’ll come get you in 5 minutes.” Their eyes locked for a moment in the dimness. A rattling sounded from the floor beside the bed. Daesung bent over and grabbed Ji’s phone.

 

“Morning wake up call.” He said as he tossed the phone onto Ji’s stomach.

 

Ji’s face twisted into a grimace as he swiped the phone and brought it to his ear.

 

“Hey, good morning.” He answered as he watched Daesung slip away.

 

“Good morning.” Her voice was bright and cheerful. “I’m sorry about last night. I hope you have a good day.”

 

“I’m sorry, too.” He replied. “I’ll call you later.”

 

“I love you.”

 

“Love you.” He said automatically. He tossed the phone away from him after hanging up, rolling over to pick up his coffee.

 

It had been so cute, once, her need to talk to him during every free moment. His heart used to flutter when he answered her morning phone calls. When did it stop? He thought to himself. When did this become a burden?

 

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and rolled out of bed, grabbing his phone along the way. He opened the screen and saw missed messages. She had messaged throughout the night.

 

“I miss you so much, all the time.”

 

“I hate that we haven’t seen each other in so long.”

 

“I’m sorry I was frustrated earlier, I know you’re tired.”

 

“It’s just so important that we make time for each other…. to talk.”

 

“It’s just I feel like you’re so far away.”

 

“I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

 

“Goodnight, love,”

 

He deleted all of them, pulled on his jeans, put his phone in his pocket and walked out to join his bandmates for breakfast.

 

_______________

 

Ji collapsed onto the sofa next to Daesung. The maknaes were playing some video game involving kicks and punches and a lot of shouting. He was tired, it had been a long day of interviews, gearing up for their next tour of concerts.

 

“Hyung, you ok?” Dae turned to him, smiling. “You look tired.”

 

“I am Dae” Ji answered, smiling back. Dae was infectious.

 

“You can go to bed, Ri and I can keep it down for you.” Dae placed a hand on Ji’s thigh reassuringly.

 

“Yeah, hyung!” Seungri spoke just a little too loudly.

 

“No, no, I’m ok. It’s too early for bed. I’ll just sit here and watch you guys.” He snuggled into the couch cushions.

 

“Ri, lets put a movie on so we don’t make too much noise.” Dae suggested.

 

“Sure.” Ri replied, moving to turn off their game. “Actually I want chicken. Hyungs, do you want chicken? I can go get us some.”

 

“Yeah Ri, that sounds good. Here take my card.” Ji dug around trying to get to his pocket without leaving the cocoon of pillows he was occupying. He grunted a few times, unsuccessful. Daesung laughed at him and reached into Jiyong’s back pocket, getting the wallet and handing Ri the card.

 

“I’ll be back soon, don’t start the movie without me!” Ri bounded to the entry to put on his shoes.

 

“Just get enough for the three of us, maknae. Seunghyun-hyung is out with Hyunjoong-hyung so who knows when they’ll be home, and Bae will probably eat at the cafeteria when he’s done working out.” Ji instructed.

 

“Got it, hyung” Seungri spoke around Ji’s credit card clenched in his teeth.

 

“Beer?” He asked.

 

“A few cans, maknae.” Ji’s tone was threatening. “We’ve got dance practice and more interviews tomorrow.”

 

“Kay kay,” Seungri said. “I’ll be back quick. Don’t start the movie without me.”

 

The door closed behind the maknae and Ji sat in companionable silence with Daesung. The minutes drifted on with each of them lost in their own thoughts. Ji realized he was starting to overheat in the pillows so he tossed them off to stretch across the couch. He rested his legs on Daesung’s thighs.

 

The younger man’s head was thrown back, his eyes closed. He shifted when Ji’s legs landed on him but his eyes stayed closed. Absently he started to drag a finger along Ji’s shin.

 

Ji giggled and jerked his leg away.

 

“Sorry.” Dae lifted his head to look at Ji.

 

Ji put his foot back. “No, no, it’s ok. It felt good. Soothing.” Dae’s fingers went back.

 

“I just feel so tense, Dae.” Ji closed his eyes and focused on the physical sensation of light fingers running up and down his leg.

 

 

 

“The album drops soon, and it feels like we nearly killed ourselves to put it together. And now the circus starts. It started today. Interviews, CFs, the tour, fan events, I’m tired just thinking about it. I know it will be good for us. It’s just exhausting to think about sometimes.” Ji opened his eyes, apologetic.

 

“Sorry, Dae, I’m rambling”

 

“No, hyung, it’s ok. Keep talking, I’ll listen.”

 

Ji closed his eyes again, feeling the tension in his body slowly evaporate as he focused on Dae’s fingers. Only to feel that tension snap back with the ringing of his phone. He dug for it, mouthing curses at the maknae.

 

“Chicken and beer, Seungri, how hard can it be….” he trailed off when he looked at the name on the screen. Ugh.

 

He declined the call and tossed his phone, powered off, onto the coffee table.

 

“You’re not gonna answer?” Daesung asked.

 

“If Ri needs us he can call you.” Ji replied and turned to bury his head in the sofa back. “I can’t talk to her right now. She’s just one more burden, one more person I have to perform for. One more weight.”

 

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Daesung’s voice was soft and soothing.

 

“It shouldn’t be like this Dae, with her. I don’t know why it’s like this. It wasn’t always. I don’t know what happened to us.”

 

Ji stopped talking and the silence returned. Daesung kept rubbing his legs and eventually Ji’s breathing evened out, slowing into the paces of sleep.

 

When Seungri returned with the food, Dae motioned him to silence and they went into the kitchen to eat quietly without waking their leader.

 

_________________

 

“What the hell, Jiyong?” Her voice was shrill, driving into his skull.

 

“What?” he said, completely lost as to the reason for her anger. “What did I do?”

 

“The fancams are all over the internet! There are photos everywhere!” She was yelling now.

 

“Photos of what?” He felt his anger starting to rise.

 

“Of you and Daesung.”  She practically spit the name.

 

“Daesung?”

 

“You’re on his damn back! Your body hanging all over him!

 

“THAT’s what you’re pissed about?” Ji’s register was climbing. “That’s fucking FANSERVICE in the middle of a damn concert.”

 

“Since when do you do fanservice with Daesung?!” She accused. “It’s you or Top, or you or Seungri the fans want together. No one wants to see you with his ugly face.”

 

“You’re out of line. You need to stop.” His anger was starting to slip out of his control.

 

“No, Ji, don’t bullshit me.” She kept on. “You said it was nothing when you were teasing him in that last interview, blushing like a damned school girl. And I wanted to believe you, I did. But now, this! He’s giving you a piggy back ride like you’re some damsel out of a drama! Maybe if you’d fucking talk to me instead of ignoring me all the time I’d believe you. But it’s plain in your eyes for anyone to see. You cheater.”

 

“I have never cheated on you.” His anger had turned cold as he listened to her rant. “I never even thought of it. Daesung is one of the best and closest friends I’ve ever had. If you have a problem with that then maybe I don’t need you in my life.”

 

He hung up the phone.

 

Before he could put it down it started ringing. He turned it off.

 

_________________

 

“It’s going to be a long night.” Yongbae handed him a cup of coffee as they leaned against a table waiting for the photographer to finish setting up. “Ya, how you doing, Ji?”

 

“Good,” Ji replied honestly after thinking for a moment.

 

“You sure?” Bae asked. “You two were dating for a long time.”

 

“It was hell for a long time at the end. Neither of us wanted to admit it, but it was.” Ji responded.

 

“Is she still calling all the time?”

 

“I blocked her number.” Ji said. “You know, I thought I’d be devastated if I ever lost her, but it’s been a week and I feel like a weight is just - gone. I feel like I can breathe.”

 

“Good.” Bae said. “I’m glad. To be  honest you’ve looked better this week than you had for a long time.”

 

The sipped their coffee in silence, watching the crew assemble lights as the photographer fiddled with his computer. Somewhere behind them Ji could hear Seunghyun teasing Daesung. Ji smiled.

 

“So why did you break up?” Bae asked.

 

Ji’s mouth tightened.

 

“Sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” His friend reassured him.

 

“No, it’s ok.” Ji said. “She thought I was cheating on her with Daesung, of all people.” Jiyong shook his head and rolled his eyes.

 

“Hmm.” Bae sat absorbing the thought.

 

“Crazy, right?” Jiyong forced a laugh.

 

“I know you didn’t cheat, not really,” Bae said slowly. “But in a way, she isn’t wrong.”

 

“The hell?” Ji looked at his best friend, wide eyed.

 

Yongbae returned his gaze and smiled, before turning and walking to join the rest of the band.

 

“We’ll do the group shots first.” The photo shoot director’s voice rang out over the crowd.

 

What the hell did Bae mean? Ji thought to himself as he posed alongside his closest friends. I didn’t cheat. How could I have cheated? She wasn’t wrong? Wrong about what, if not about cheating?

 

His mind ran the same thoughts over again and again as he turned, snarled, laughed, smiled, and jumped, all at the director’s command.

 

“Ok all of you squeeze together.” The director called out. “Daesung put your arm around GD.”

 

Jiyong looked up at the younger man and all of a sudden he felt a punch to his stomach. Daesung flicked his blonde hair out of his eyes with a twist of his head and a knife twisted in Jiyongs heart. He couldn’t breathe. Daesung’s arm reached around his shoulders and his heart stopped.

 

“GD focus and look at the camera, not Daesung.”

 

He turned to look at the photographer, forcing his mouth closed.

 

How the hell can I focus?!?!?! his mind ranted maniacally. Daesung’s ARM is around me.

 

Butterflies were trying to devour his stomach.

 

After what seemed like an eternity the director let them go for individual shoots. The plus side was Daesung’s arm left his shoulders so his mind was able to function again. The down side was Daesung’s arm was no longer around him, also, he was first up for solo shots.

 

His band members gathered behind the photographer to watch him, but he had eyes only for Daesung. Somehow he made it through the shoot. He rushed to get out of his clothes and make up so he could join the group.

 

Daesung was up next. Ji joined the rest of the group to watch, a vice clamped around his heart.

 

How had he never realized? he cursed at himself as he watched Daesung flex for the camera, stealing his breath with every pose. Daesung was beautiful. He was perfect. He lit up the whole world around him. Ji realized he always felt comfortable with Dae, peace with Dae.

 

I love him. The realization consumed his mind, reverberating through his head, echoing in his heart. No, I didn’t cheat, but she wasn’t far wrong. Ji agreed with Yongbae.

 

Daesung was done, and Ji walked over to him, hovering as Daesung scrubbed off his makeup and shrugged out of the shoot's clothes to change into his own.

 

“I need a smoke, want to come with me?” He asked the blonde.

 

“Sure, hyung.” Daesung responded, putting on his own shoes.

 

Seunghyun moved as if to join them. “I could use a smoke, too, Ji -” He started.

 

Ji shook his head. “You guys haven’t gone yet. Smoke when you’re done.”

 

He and Dae walked out of the room, leaving a sulky Seunghyun behind. They wandered outside to their van.

 

“We’ll wait here for the rest.” Ji said. Leaning against the van. Daesung stood next to him and leaned back as well.

 

“You seem to be doing well, hyung.” Daesung commented. “I thought… with the breakup…”

 

“It was a long time coming.” Ji said. “It was for the best, we were both miserable.”

 

“Oh.” Daesung said softly. “Well then I’m happy for you, hyung.”

 

Ji stared up at the stars, stomach in knots.

 

“Daesung?” Jiyong said his name softly.

 

“Yeah, hyung?” His voice just as soft.

 

“Can I do something?” He shifted to face the younger man.

 

“Sure.” Daesung shifted to mirror him.

 

Jiyong looked into his dark eyes, framed by a soft fringe of hair. Now, he thought. And he surged forward, pressing his lips against Daesung’s. The younger man froze for a moment and Ji’s heart sank. He pulled away.

 

“Sorry, sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, Dae.” Ji babbled, looking down.

 

Daesung’s arms grabbed on to his and a hand softly but firmly pulled his chin up. “Don’t be sorry hyung.” Dae’s eyes locked on to his and time seemed to stretch between them.

 

His eyes closed as his lips claimed Jiyong’s. Jiyong melted into the kiss, a moan escaping his lips as his breath hitched. He brought his hands up to rest on Daesung’s chest. Daesung moaned back and Ji felt the strength leave his legs. Daesung felt it too and he wrapped his arms around Jiyong’s lower back, pulling him in tight.

 

Ji pushed a bit and Daesung rotated to lean against the van again. Ji pushed again and Daesung’s mouth opened. Ji’s heart ached as he slipped his tongue into Daesung’s mouth. Their tongues rubbed against each other as Daesung’s hands traced fire along Jiyong’s ribs.

 

Eventually, an eternity later, they pulled apart, breath coming in gasps. Jiyong buried his head in the crook of Daesung’s neck. The skin was soft and smooth. Daesung’s scent was all around him.

 

“Daesung?” Ji’s voice was raw.

 

“Yeah, hyung?” Daesung’s voice was no better.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too, hyung.”

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

They rode side by side in the back row of the van, thighs pressed together. There was a constant flutter in Ji’s stomach that turned into a whilrwhind each time Dae’s eyes turned to look at him. Which seemed to happen every 5 minutes, the whole way home.

 

Ji couldn’t take his eyes off Dae’s lips, plump and slightly red. They’d been kissing, pressed up against the van, until the sound of boots clomping towards them had pulled them apart. They’d frantically adjusted clothing and smoothed hair, Ji just managing to nonchalantly slump against the van beside Daesung before Bae, Ri and Seunghyun had rounded the front of the van to see them.

 

Loaded into the van with 4 to many people, the ride home was turning into an experience in torture for Ji.

 

“Have a good smoke?” Youngbae asked from his side, nudging Ji’s knee with his own.

 

Ji turned to him, bewildered. “Smoke?”

 

“I guess so.” Youngbae replied with a smirk.

 

“Oh yeah. It was fine.” Ji said.

 

Bae’s smirk grew and was joined by a raised eyebrow. “Sure it was.”

 

“Dammit Bae.” Jiyong growled, punching his best friend. Or attempted to punch. He couldn’t quite swing with Dae pressed against his other side.

 

Bae’s body began rocking with laughter.

 

This van ride needs to be over. How long is that damn light going to take? Ji’s frustration level was mounting.

 

Finally, finally, they made it home.

 

Once in the door, Ji went to the kitchen, trying to kill time by getting a drink of water. Seunghyun went straight to his room, to his balcony for a smoke from the urgency in his walk. Seungri followed Ji into the kitchen.

 

 

“I could totally go for some ice cream,” he started.

 

“Nope, Ri.” Bae grabbed him by the ear. “No ice cream for you. You’re waking up early to work out with me.”

 

“But, hyung!” Ri whined.

 

Bae just kept dragging him, making a point to wiggle his eyebrows at Ji as they disappeared towards the bedrooms.

 

Ji’s mouth tightened as he glared at Bae walking away. He kept glaring down the hallway after the two men had disappeared. Kept glaring. Because there was one person who hadn’t gone to his room. One person who had his stomach clawing at his ribs. He felt his heart start to race as he felt Daesung standing across the kitchen, looking at him.

 

Finally he turned his gaze. Letting his eyes drink in the sight of Dae, trace the line of his shoulders, the dip of his collarbone, the curve of his lower lip. Ji felt a flush rush up his cheeks.

 

“Do you wanna come to my room for a bit?” Daesung asked with a little gleam in his eyes that rendered Ji speechless.

 

Ji could only nod and follow Dae down the hall, doing his best (and failing) to keep his eyes from staring at Dae’s behind.

 

He followed Dae down the hall.

 

Into Dae’s room.

 

Dae closed the door behind him.

 

Ji stood in the center of the room, not sure what to do with his hands. Not sure what to do with himself. He’d used all his courage on the kiss by the van. Now all he could do was stand and gape at Dae.

 

“Ji,” Dae said, pulling him out of himself. “You can sit on the bed.”

 

“Oh, yeah.” Ji said stupidly as he sat, awkwardly, perched on the very edge of Daesung’s bed. Daesung’s bed! His blood was roaring in his ears.

 

“So - “ he started, as Dae sat down on the bed as well. Not right next to him, but not that far either. Unlike Ji, Daesung was fully on the bed, one leg under him, facing Ji.

 

“Ji, it’s ok.” Dae placed a hand on Ji’s arm.

 

 

Jiyong turned to look at the younger man and a spring uncoiled within him, propelling him forward towards Daesung’s lips. The blood was still roaring in his ears and somehow Dae was on his back with Ji straddling over him, their lips pressed together, tongues sliding against one another, his hands on either side of Daesung’s head, keeping him up. Daesung’s hands were fisted around the shirt at his hips, lips kissing back as furiously as Ji's.

 

The room started spinning around Ji. Breathe, came the command from within his mind. He pulled back, heart screaming as his lips broke from Dae’s. He panted as he looked into Dae’s eyes, dilated and glazed.

 

“Shit,” Ji cursed. “Sorry, sorry, I don't know what I was doing.”

 

He scrambled off of Daesung, returning to his perch on the edge of the bed.

 

“Ji,” Dae’s voice was warm with laughter. He sat up and pressed against Ji’s side. “Ji, I didn’t push you away, did I?”

 

“No.” Ji responded hesitantly.

 

Daesung laughed gently. “Hyung, breathe. Relax.”

 

He pulled on the older man. “Come here, lay down.” He pulled on Jiyong until he was laying, pressed into Daesung’s side, snuggled into the crook of his arm. Ji rested his head on Dae’s chest, feeling his heart finally start slowing it’s gallop.

 

He realized Daesung was slowly stroking his arm. He closed his eyes and focused on the touch.

 

“You’re always too wound up, hyung.” Daesung spoke smoothly, steadily. “Just relax. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

 

“Sorry.” Ji mumbled.

 

“Stop apologizing, hyung.” Dae responded. Ji could hear the gentle tease in his voice. He smiled and burrowed his head into Dae.

 

“This is insane, Dae.” Ji said. “I’m totally falling for you. You. My bandmate.”

 

“I can tell.”

 

“What is the band going to think? Well Bae knows, but Big and Little Seunghyun. What about them?”

 

“Bae knows?” Daesung’s arm tensed around Ji.

 

“He’s the one who got Mr. Dense to figure it out.” Ji laughed at himself self-deprecatingly. “If it weren’t for him I would still be oblivious.”

 

“Well I’ll have to thank him, then.” Dae murmured as he turned his lips into Ji’s hair to lay a soft kiss on the top of his head.

 

“I think,” Ji started, then stopped, unsure of himself.

 

Dae lay next to him patiently, hand still stroking Ji’s arm.

 

“I think I’ve loved you for a long time.” Ji said in a rush.

 

“I know I’ve loved you for a long time.” Daesung responded.

 

“I’ve never loved a man before.” Jiyong said. “I don’t know how this works. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

 

“I have." Daesung said. "Loved a man before.” He clarified . He paused as Ji’s body tensed.

 

“It was a long time ago, it wasn’t a man, really. A boy,” He added reassuringly. “It was before we debuted. I was still in high school.”

 

“Is that why you’ve never dated, since we’ve debuted?” Ji asked, shifting to place his hand on Daesung’s chest to support his chin. He looked into Dae’s eyes. “I mean dated a girl. Do you only like guys?”

 

Daesung’s eyes looked away briefly before looking back at Ji. “Yea, partially.”

 

Ji wanted to ask more, but didn’t feel confident enough yet. Dae’s hand had shifted to tracing soft circles in the small of his back. He put his head down, listening to Dae’s breaths come slow and steady.

 

“I want to kiss you some more, Dae.” Ji felt a surge of heat on his cheeks as he spoke. “I’m not sure how to love a man, but I think I’ve got kissing you down.”

 

Daesung laughed. “Yeah, I’d say you do.”

 

Daesung shifted below him, aligning their bodies so he could claim Ji’s mouth. Ji felt the breath rush out of him as they kissed again. And again.

 

_____________

 

 

Ji started awake to the sound of a knocking.

 

“Time to wake up if you want to get out of there before the Seunghyun’s are up.” Came a soft voice on the other side of the door.

 

Ji tried to get up but he couldn't. There was a heavy weight pressing him down. His eyes spun around the room. When did he move his bed? Why was the window on the wrong wall? What was wrong with his chest? He looked down into the eyes of a sleepy Daesung.

 

“Hyung,” he smiled.

 

Ji smiled back, the events of the night before flooding his mind. They’d kissed for an eternity, or at least until sleep had claimed them.

 

“Yongbae-hyung is probably right.” Daesung said, voice raspy. “You should get going before everyone wakes up.”

 

Ji’s heart sank a little but he got up and shuffled out of the room. Youngbae was standing just outside the door, face plastered with a huge grin.

 

Ji growled “Wipe that smirk off your face.” He commanded.

 

Bae’s grin only deepened as he slung an arm around his friend.

 

“I’m glad you had a good night, Ji.” Bae said as he guided Ji towards the bathroom.

 

“Get the Seunghyun’s up.” Ji said, grumpily. “We’ve got a lot to do before we fly to Japan this afternoon.”

 

“Yes, leader.” Youngbae said as he walked off to comply.

 

_________________

 

The five of them stood in front of the airport, bags in hand, crowds hovering in a circle around them armed with cameras and signs for their oppas. Ji adjusted the sunglasses on his nose and pulled his hat down tight. From beside him, he saw Seunghyun sling an arm around Daesung and pull him towards the airport doors.

 

Ji felt his heart twist as he watched the two walk by.

 

“Come oh, hyung.” Seungri said, cheerfully, as strutted towards the entry.

 

Ji forced his legs to move, glad of the glasses shielding his eyes.

 

Once inside they met with their manager, who handed them their tickets.

 

“Daedae,” Seunghyun smiled at Daesung, “we’re sitting right next to each other.”

 

Seunghyun twined his fingers around Daesung’s and the two walked towards their gate. Jiyong started to grind his teeth. He did not like this one bit.

 

He glared at the two of them the whole flight, seated ahead of him, laughing and teasing gently the whole way, both (BOTH!) oblivious to him.

 

It was dark when the plane landed. Ji tried to sit next to Daesung for the van ride to to hotel but Seunghyun hadn’t left the blonde’s side. Ji glared out the window, mentally hurling curses and abuse at his friend as he listened to the two of them giggling in the back seat.

 

There were fans gathered in front of the hotel when they arrived and rushed into the lobby. Their manager met them, again, to give them their room assignments. He was rooming with the maknae.

 

Fucking cock-block! He screamed in his mind.

 

The knife that had been twisting in his heart all day twisted again when he realized Daesung was rooming with T. O. P.

 

He grabbed his room key from his manager’s hand and stormed off in the direction of the elevators. He could feel his bandmates staring at him, but he kept his mouth shut and kept walking. Keeping his mouth shut was the best way to avoid a fight and he prided himself on the fact that their members never fought.

 

He stormed into the room he was going to share with the maknae, threw his suitcase on a bed and went to start the shower. He let the steam rise as he stood in a towel, trying to get a handle on his emotions. He heard sounds outside the restroom and assumed it was Seungri coming and settling in. He grabbed the phone from his pants and sent a mass text to the group.

 

“Big day tomorrow, bed and sleep all of you. Now!”

 

He got into the shower, hoping the warm water would pound some of the frustration out of his shoulders. Hoping the heat would ease the ache in his heart. Both hopes were left unfulfilled.

 

_______________

 

They’d been performing for over an hour. A maddening hour. There had been no time to pull Dae aside as they’d rushed through practice, sound check, hair, make-up, and costuming leading up to their evening concert.

 

Ji thought he’d managed to clamp down on the jealousy coursing through his veins, but he’d deluded himself. Somehow he’s managed to sing, dance and rap around the monster raging in his chest. A monster fed by every glance Seunghyun gave Daesung, every touch he laid on Dae’s cheek, every earth- shattering smile Daesung gave the older man.

 

Part way through La, la la, a bolt of brilliance shook Jiyong. Two could play at this game. As the song ended he turned to stroke Seungri’s face, catching Daesung’s gaze out of the corner of his eye and smirking.

 

He felt a thrill of triumph as Daesung’s eyes widened. He threw an arm around the maknae and tilted his head against the younger man. Grin plastered on his face.

 

The briefest of grimaces flitted across Daesung’s face.

 

Jiyong laughed.

 

He choked.

 

Daesung had marched over to Seunghyun and started dancing up against him. His grip tightened on Seungri’s shoulder. The maknae missed a line and Youngbae looked over at them questioningly. Daesung kept dancing by Seunghyun.

 

Seungri managed to wrench himself from Jiyong’s grasp.

 

The song ended and he felt a hand digging into his back. He looked to see Youngbae glaring at him. He shrugged his friend off as he launched into the first line of Fantastic Baby. He liked this game now.

 

________________

 

The five of them were in the dressing room, extricating themselves from layers of clothing and makeup.

 

“Would you excuse us, noonas?” Youngbae’s voice rose above the clatter. “The group needs a moment.”

 

The noonas gathered themselves and left the room.

 

Youngbae stalked to Jiyong, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him to stand next to Daesung. He looked at the two of them for a long moment before raising his hands to smack their heads together.

 

“Babos!” he shouted.

 

Seunghyun and Seungri stood watching in shock.

 

“Stupid, Babos!” he repeated.

 

Ji glared at his friend. “Ya! Watch it, Bae” he said, threateningly, as he rubbed his head.

 

“What the hell was that?” Bae asked. “Ji, what the _hell_ was that? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you pull a stunt like that during a _performance_?!”

 

“Like what?” he asked defensively. “It was just fanservice with Seungri.”

 

Youngbae walked over to Seungri and pulled his shirt off his collar. There was a bruise forming on his shoulder, a bruise in the shape of Ji’s hand.

 

“Shit.” Ji breathed, feeling the blood drain from his face. “Shit, Seungri, I’m so sorry. It was just supposed to be some fanservice, a little skinship...”  Ji’s voice trailed off.

 

“I’m sorry guys.” Ji looked down.

 

“Wait,” came Seunghyun’s voice. “What’s going on? Ji, why did you do that?”

 

Ji’s head snapped up, eyes glaring at Seunghyun.

 

“As if you don’t know” he spat.

 

“Ya,” Bae smacked Ji again. “He doesn’t know.”

 

“Know what?” Seunghyun rumbled.

 

“We’re a couple.” Daesung spoke for the first time. “Jiyong and I.”

 

“Woah, what?” Seungri looked at them, wide-eyed.

 

“We’re a couple.” Daesung repeated.

 

“They’re a couple.” Youngbae affirmed. “A couple that needs to figure out how to deal with some jealousy issues. Come on, Seungri, Seunghyun, they need to talk.”

 

The two men stood in silence after the others left, unable to look at each other.

 

Finally Ji spoke. “I’ve been trying to get you alone for the past two days.”

 

 

 

“There hasn’t been time.” Dae said.

 

“No there hasn’t.” Ji said. “I’m - I’m sorry.”

 

He chanced a glance at the younger man. Daesung was still looking at the ground. “I just kept seeing Seunghyun. Touching you. Holding you. Since yesterday it’s been the two of you non-stop.”

 

Dae looked up to meet his gaze.

 

“I love you, Ji.” He said evenly.  

 

“I know. I know it was just fanservice.” Ji said. “My head knows it. But my heart… I’ve never felt so out of control as I did tonight.” he scrubbed his face with both hands. “I can’t believe I did that to Seungri. To you. To us.”

 

“Maybe we should lay off all fanservice for a while.” Dae suggested. “Because this is all still too new, for you, at least.”

 

Ji’s eyes looked at Dae questioningly.

 

“I’ve been fighting the jealousy at your and Seungri’s fanservice for years now.” Dae answered.

 

“So what was with the grinding?” Ji asked heatedly.

 

“Just because I’ve been fighting it longer doesn’t mean I’m always good at it.” Dae admitted.

 

“We should lay off the fanservice.” Ji agreed. “For now.”

 

“Come here, Ji.” Dae said, smiling gently. Ji rushed into the younger man’s arms, melting into them.

 

“I need to do something nice to apologize to them.” Ji spoke into Daesung’s neck.

 

Daesung nodded in agreement.

  
“But not just yet.” He said as he leaned down to kiss the smaller man.


	3. Chapter 3

 

Jiyong wandered through the maze of floor displays and clothing racks, pausing occasionally to  pull out a piece that caught his eye.

 

“So,” came a deep rumble. “You and Daedae -” Seunghyun paused to sip noisily at his iced coffee as he eyed his friend.

 

Jiyong felt a blush surge up his cheeks and he ducked his head, allowing his hair to shroud his eyes. He stared intently at a pair of ripped black pants.

 

“Um,” he mumbled, then laughed nervously. He tilted his head to peek at his hyung out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, me and Daesung.” He admitted.

 

“For how long?” Seunghyun asked, eyes relentlessly boring into Ji, hint of a smile playing around his lips.

 

“Not that long.” Ji answered.

 

“Is that why you and-”

 

“No.” Ji rushed. “No we broke up before. She knew though, about Daesung. She figured it out before I did.”

 

Ji looked away as he returned the pants to the rack. “So did Youngbae.”

 

“Ji, I think it likely everyone figured it out before you.” Seunghyun teased, chewing on his straw  with the side of his mouth.

 

Ji’s head snapped up, eyes narrowing as he looked at his hyung. “What?!”

 

“Well maybe not the maknae.” Seunghyun appended, taking another sip. “But then he can be a bit dense.”

 

“Wait, wait.” Jiyong turned to face Seunghyun. “How did you know? What did you know?”

 

“Jiyong.” Seunghyun pulled the straw out of his mouth. “I’ve had my suspicions for a while now that you might not be completely…” He broke off to push up the bent, chewed straw. “Straight.”

 

He leveled an even look at Jiyong, eyes sparkling with suppressed mirth.

 

Jiyong stood dumbfounded, unable to move or speak.

 

“Of course, with a little more experience in this area, I was able to pick up on it fairly easily. And Bae, Bae knows you better than anyone else.” Seunghyun sobered as he took in his stricken friend.

 

“Ji,” he said. “It’s ok I don’t think anyone else has noticed, I was just teasing. We’re just around you all the time and -,” he broke off. He ducked his head, his turn to be abashed.

 

“I know enough about liking guys to recognize it when I see it.” He half-whispered

 

The admission was enough to jolt Ji into action. His hyung almost never openly admitted his preference. “Hyung-”

 

He broke off as a sales lady hovered a little closer than was absolutely necessary.

 

“C’mon, Ji.” Seunghyun said, face instantly going cold. He started walking towards the store entrance, reaching out to grab Ji by the wrist as he passed. Ji turned and followed his friend out of the store.

 

“Seunghyun.” Ji started as they exited the store.

 

Seunghyun shook his head as he tossed his empty cup into a nearby trash can. He took off purposefully down the sidewalk, long legs sweeping him past Ji.

 

Jiyong rushed to keep up, bewildered. They walked in silence for a few blocks before Jiyong realized their destination. He slowed his walk a little bit, falling behind the long strides of his hyung. He let his thoughts roam.

 

In a way it made sense that Seunghyun had known, even before himself. He was deceptively deep. He watched people and understood them. For all his boisterous, irreverent nature he could be remarkably perceptive.

 

He’d known about Seunghyun since before they debuted and he’d suspected off and on through the years that the older man had deeper affections for Daesung, that the fanservice was a cover for something more. Seunghyun always denied it when pressed, but he might actually have feelings for Daesung. Real feelings. Jiyong’s heart clenched at the very thought of someone else pursuing what he so coveted. But Seunghyun wouldn’t do that. He’d deny his own feelings in favor of Jiyong, ever contorting himself into what he thought others wanted from him. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

 

He paused as his legs stopped in front of a familiar door. He entered in the code and let himself in. He stopped in the entryway to toe off his shoes.

 

“Seunghyun’s already on the roof,” came a kindly voice.

 

Ji looked up. “Eomma, hello” He bowed to Seunghyun’s mother.

 

“Go on up.” She gestured towards the rear of the villa. “I’ll have tea for you for when you’re ready to come down.”

 

Jiyong nodded, walking past to the stairs that would lead him to the roof.

 

Seunghyun was braced against the parapet, taking drags off a cigarette.

 

Ji joined him, plucking the cigarette from Seunghyun’s long fingers and leaning against the wall to look out at the city shrouded in misty fog.

 

“I’ve asked a few times, hyung. You always say no, but I’ll ask again.” Ji took a drag and blew out a puff of smoke.

 

“Do you like Daesung?” Jiyong’s heart clenched in mid-beat as he asked THE question.

 

“I did once.” Seunghyun answered, honestly.

 

Ji inhaled deeply and held his breath.

 

“Once.” He prompted, heart clawing at his ribs.

 

Seunghyun fell into silence. Ji waited, finishing the cigarette as he watched birds fly just overhead.

 

Eventually his hyung spoke.

 

“I know you’ve asked me, throughout the years. I know I’ve always said no. You know I was lying some of that time. I did like him. I tried to make a move a few times. I even confessed once.”

 

Ji’s breath hitched and his shoulders tensed.

 

“He said he couldn’t,” Seunghyun said, more to himself than Jiyong. He ducked his head into his hands. “He said his heart was somewhere else.” He fell silent.

 

“It destroyed me” He said. “For a long time, it hurt. It hurt to see him. It hurt to be near him. I’d touch him and it’d be like picking at a never-healing scab.”

 

A small portion of Ji’s heart broke for this friend that he loved, for the pain he had endured.

 

“And then something happened.” Seunghyun continued, bringing his head up to join Ji in watching the birds. “I noticed you looking at Daesung one day. I saw that look in your eye, glazed and happy. I knew what it was, I’d felt its effects myself. That overwhelming joy Daesung brings that strikes right at your heart, warming you to your core.”

 

He reached to pull another cigarette out of it’s box. He put it to his mouth and lit it up, taking a long drag before continuing.

 

“What I found interesting, though, was myself. I should have felt jealousy, possessiveness. I should have been upset that you saw him the way I had for so long. I should have been irritated at the fact that you seemed oblivious to your own heart.”

 

He turned to look down at Jiyong.

 

“I wasn’t, though. Somehow over time I’d healed and moved on without ever even realizing it. I was happy - hopeful - for you. I hoped that one day you’d realize your feelings. I hoped that you might be the one in Daesung’s heart.”

 

Seunghyun turned to look up at the drifting clouds.

 

“That passion and fire I felt for him has shifted. I’m left now with the warm memory of that love, and I cherish him and his friendship. I love the closeness we have. I love that he never pushed me away despite refusing my pursuit. But I’m not in love with him.”

 

“Hyung.” Ji started.

 

“Love him, Ji.” Seunghyun stated. “Love him with all you are. Don’t be afraid of the feelings, and don’t worry about me.” His words trailed off.

 

“Besides…. I’ve kinda got something going on myself, now.” He mumbled.

 

“Hyung!” Ji punched at Seunghyun’s shoulder. “Who is it? You have to tell”

 

“Nope!” The boyish grin returned to his Hyung’s face.

 

“Bah!” Ji threw his hands up.

 

He turned to rest his back on the wall. Silence settled between them warmly as they each enjoyed the presence of the man beside him.

 

“Hyung.” Ji said quietly. “About that whole loving thing…” He drifted off uncomfortably.

 

Seunghyun looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Um, I mean… how… you know… um…. between two guys…” Ji’s cheeks burned with embarrassment and he didn’t dare look at his hyung.

 

Seunghyun laughed and turned to throw an arm around his dongsaeng.

 

“About that-” he started.

 

__________________

 

“Hyuuuuung,” Seungri whined. “Hyung, hyung hyung.”

 

“No, Seungri.” Daesung’s voice was firm. “Stop asking. I won’t give you her number. Do you want me to get the leader in here?”

 

“She tooold me to get her number from you!” Seungri was outraged. “She said I was cute and I should call her some time and that’s EXACTLY what I’m going to do.”

 

“You are not dating the girl from my church group, Seungri! You’re not dating anyone!”

 

“That’s not fair!” Seungri protested. “You get to date hyung!”

 

“He’s a bandmember, Seungri. It’s kind of hard to keep us apart. If you want to date you’re welcome to try with Youngbae-hyung or Seunghyun-hyung.”

 

Seungri screwed up his face. “Ew, no!”

 

“Well then, I guess you’re out of luck” Daesung folding his arms across his chest, doing his best to loom imposingly.

 

Seungri dove around him, reaching for Daesung’s cellphone on his desk. “I’m getting her number out of your phone whether you like it or not!” He said.

 

Daesung grabbed him firmly by the back of his shirt and pulled him away. Seungri twisted in his grip to wrap both arms around Daesung’s waist. “Let. Go. Of. Me!” He commanded, face buried in Daesung’s side.

 

“No, Seungri.” Daesung tried to jerk Seungri off of him but Seungri buried his fingers in tight and was immovable. Daesung pivoted trying to dislodge him and tripped over his own feet, sending both boys sprawling to the floor. Seungri landed on top of Daesung, and lurched upwards trying to get to the phone.

 

Daesung jerked him down, flipping him over on to his back, pinning him to the floor. Seungri managed to squirm an arm free and capitalized on Daesung’s known weakness: ticklish ribs. He attacked without mercy, fingers wiggling over Dae’s sides.

 

“Seungri, Seungri!” Daesung jerked, laughing. “Stop, stop…. stop” he heaved between laughs. Daesung reached up and managed to get a hand on his desk, fingers scrabbling for his phone. He twitched around as Seungri’s tickles continued unabated.

 

He bit down on his lip hard and muscled through the spasms as Seungri continued his attack. He managed to grab his phone with one hand, the other pushing down on the maknae, trying to keep him away. His fingers swiped over the screen, unlocking and opening his contacts.

 

Moments later he crowed in victory. “Ha! I deleted her number! Good luck getting it now!”

 

“Hyung!” Seungri’s voice was laced with dismay. “Why would you DO that.” His face collapsed.

 

“Why, why, why” he repeated. Each word punctuated with a punch into Daesung’s stomach.

 

“Ya!” Daesung exclaimed, pushing Seungri’s hand away. “Stop hitting me.”

 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Seungri retaliated, punching harder.

 

Daesung punched back, lightly, into Seungri’s chest. Seungri punched hard. Daesung punched harder and added a little shove. Seungri shoved back, harder. They started grappling, pushing and twisting as Seungri vented his frustration. Eventually, Seungri grabbed a pillow from Daesungs bed, making as if to smother Daesung.

 

“What the hell is going on?!”

 

The two maknaes froze, Daesung on his back, arms raised as protection as Seungri straddled him on his knees, arms raised overhead clutching a pillow in both hands. Both looked up at Youngbae standing in the doorway. “You’re shouting enough to wake the neighbors! What are you doing?

 

“He’s trying to kill me!” Daesung explained.

 

“He won’t give me a girl’s number.” Seungri spoke at the same time.

 

“You don’t need a girl’s number.” Youngbae said to Seungri. “Now knock it off and go to bed. Both of you!”

 

As Youngbae turned to leave Daesung’s room a pillow accompanied by Daesung’s laughter soared through the air, smacking him firmly on the side of the head. He turned back and lunged at the pair on the floor, attacking for all he was worth. The three men grappled in a free-for-all, each trying to get the best of the other two.

 

Somewhere along the line he and Seungri teamed up against Daesung, pinning him to the ground, each  man holding an arm down.

 

“Let him go, NOW!” came an icy voice from the doorway.

 

Again all brawlers froze, to look at the newcomer.

 

“Ji,” Daesung started. “We’re just wrestling.”

 

An uncomfortable air settled in the room as the three remembered the effect’s of their leader’s jealousy. Seungri squirmed uncomfortably, flesh remembering the bite of Jiyong’s fingers.

 

Jiyong’s face broke into a smile as he dive-bombed into Youngbae who released his grip on Daesung’s arm. Dae used the freedom as leverage to throw Seungri off. It was two on two now, a mess of arms, legs, punches, shoves and laughter. Laughter that only briefly turned to groans as a blue haired bundle of long limbs joined in the fray. Seunghyun fought for no side but his own.

 

At one point Daesung and Jiyong wound up face to face pressed against each other. Their eyes locked as the battle raged around them. Ji laughingly swooped down to plant a light kiss on Daesung’s lips.

 

At least he meant it to be light. Daesung responded instantly and Ji deepened into the kiss, moan escaping his lips. He felt his blood surge down towards his groin and he made the most miniscule shift to rub against the hard body below him.

 

“AhhhHHHHhhhh,” Seungri backed away from the two lovebirds. “Guyyyysss, get a room”

 

“This IS my room” Daesung said, lips ghosting over Jiyong’s. “And unless you want to join us you better clear out.”

 

Daesung wrapped his arms around Ji’s waist, pulling him in tighter. The other three disentangled in record time and fled, but not before Seunghyun laid a loud smack on Jiyong’s backside.

 

“Go get ‘im” he said almost under his breath.

 

The two lay on Daesung’s floor, staring into each other’s eyes, hypnotized.

 

“Hi,” Ji ventured, smile teasing as his lips.

 

“Hi, yourself,” Dae responded, thrusting his hips up slightly to grind against Jiyong’s slender hip. Jiyong’s breath caught and his own hips rolled forward in response.

 

Dae’s head fell back against the floor, eyes closed and framed by bright blond hair. Ji drank in the sight of him as he rocked their hips together. Dae’s full lips parted slightly to allow his tongue to trace along the lower lip. The invitation was too much. Ji pounced, unable to resist  devouring Daesung’s plump lips. He sucked them each into his mouth in turn, grinding down on Daesung for all he was worth, cock pulsing at the friction. His blood surged in his veins as he claimed Dae’s tongue, pulling it into his mouth to stroke with his own.

 

Dae’s arm pulled Ji in tighter, fist clenching in Ji’s thin muscle shirt. Ji broke off the kiss to run his tongue along the line of Daesung’s jaw. He stopped just under his ear, to suck and lick the spot just there, the spot he’d discovered just a few nights before.

 

Daesung growled loudly, both hands grabbing onto either side of Ji’s hips and pulling him down, hard enough to bruise. Dae’s hips bucked wildly as Ji nibbled on his skin.

 

Suddenly Ji pulled off, pulling out of Dae’s arms to look down at the younger man. Dae’s eyes flashed open, wide and bewildered.

 

“Hyung, are you ok?” Dae panted, hand coming up to stroke Ji’s face. “Do you want to stop? We’ll only go as far as you want. I don’t want to push you.”

 

“No.” Jiyong said, rising to his knees. “No I don’t want to stop.”

 

He smirked as he allowed a devilish gleam to slip into his eyes. He pulled Daesung up off the ground until they were both standing.

 

“The last thing I want to do is to stop.” Ji turned and pushed at Daesung until the back of his legs hit the bed. Ji looked down at Dae’s erection, tenting and straining against his pajama pants.

 

“Poor guy.” Ji cooed, stroking the outline of Daesung’s head. Daesung’s breath inhaled sharply. “All he ever gets is to rub against my hip. That can’t be much fun.”

 

Ji brought both hands up to Daesung’s chest to stroke and finger his perfect pecs. He looked Daesung right in the eyes as he pinched each nipple firmly. “I want to have some fun.”

 

Daesung’s eyes widened as Jiyong pushed him down onto the bed, climbing on to straddle him.

 

“We were taking it slow...” Dae mumbled.

 

“Fuck slow. Fuck just kissing and grinding.” Jiyong grunted as he jerked roughly at Daesung’s shirt. “And fuck this shirt.” He stripped the shirt off of Daesung.

 

“And fuck these pants.” He moved to rip the pants off.

 

“And fuck you for looking so hot pinned by Youngbae and the maknae.” Ji leaned and kissed Daesung wildly, plundering his mouth with his tongue.

 

“They can’t have you, though.” Ji rubbed his hands up and down Daesung’s body.

 

“This is mine.” He moved down to bite at Daesung’s chest. Daesung moaned and arched his back. Ji’s fingers traced the outline Dae’s muscled stomach as they drifted lower and lower, making their way to the bulge in his briefs. The muscles under his fingers were taught and covered in sweat. Daesung’s breathing hard and irregular.

 

Dae’s head was thrown back against the pillows, eyes clenched shut and scrunching his face in the most adorable way. Ji’s heart stuttered as he watched Daesung get lost in the feel of his hands. He ducked his head to claim a nipple, tonguing at the hard nub with his teeth as his fingers slipped below the band of Daesung’s underwear.

 

He pulled his head back to watch Daesung’s head thrash from side to side as Ji slipped the briefs down slender hips to free Daesung’s cock. This was the first time Ji had ever seen it. He looked at it in awe, large and round, standing straight up in the air begging to be touched. He hesitantly stroked it with a finger and Daesung whined.

 

Jiyong grinned as he wrapped Daesung’s rock hard length with his slender fingers. He pulled his eyes away from his hand to look back at Daesung’s face. Daesung’s eyes were open and they locked onto his.

 

“Jiyong-hyung,” His voice was tight. “Oh, that feels soo good.”

 

Ji grinned as his wrist found a comfortable rhythm. He turned his focus back to Daesung’s cock.

 

“You’re so hard, Daesungie.” Ji stroked a little faster. He brought his head down, tongue out to give a small lick of Daesung’s head.”

 

Daesung moaned louder, fingers clawing wildly at the sheets, legs shifting, uncontrolled. He wanted to do this right and so he pushed Daesung’s legs apart and kneeled between them. Ji gave Daesung slow, long strokes licking at his head occasionally. He stopped stroking to engulf Daesung’s head with his mouth, rubbing his lips along the base of the head as his tongue flicked along it’s underside.

 

He was rewarded with a strong buck of Daesung’s hips and a firm grip on the back of his head as Daesung’s figures threaded through his hair. Ji reveled in his power as his tongue laved and swirled over Daesung’s head.

 

He allowed Daesung to thrust into his mouth, tongue caressing Daesung’s shaft, as his hands sought his pant’s pocket for the little bottle he’d put there.

 

He pulled his mouth off Daesung as he uncapped the bottle. Daesung’s eyes looked at him, wide in anticipation. Jiyong smiled back as he coated his fingers.

 

“I’ve moving our relationship forward a bit.” Ji said as his fingers stroked at Daesung’s hole. Ji dropped his head to rub the line of his jaw along Daesung’s wet cock. He paused to allow Daesung’s head to rest against his lips. “I hope you don’t mind.”

 

Daesung shook his head as Ji’s finger pushed into him slowly. Ji tongued and kissed at the head throbbing against his lips as his finger probed deeper and deeper into Daesung. He added a second finger as he took Daesung into his mouth again, sucking and teasing.

 

He scissored both fingers as he lavished Daesung’s cock with attention. Daesung was a writhing, panting, moaning mess below him and Jiyong had never seen anything more perfect. His own erection was filling him with need. Finally he slipped in a third finger and he loosened his throat to completely engulf Daesung’s cock with his mouth. He gave two deep sucks before pulling off completely.

 

He kneeled up and looked down at the sweat drenched form of his lover sprawled below him. He stripped off his shirt and pulled down at his pajama pants, allowing his own erection to spring forth. He gave it a few strokes with one hand as the other reached for the second item he’d stored in his pocket. He brought the condom up to his lips and tore at the wrapper. He fished it out of it’s packaging and unrolled it onto his cock. He squeezed a bit more lube over himself and leaned down over Daesung, supporting himself with an arm on either side of Dae’s head. He looked into Daesung’s dilated, lust blown eyes.

 

“You ok?” Ji asked.

 

Daesung nodded.

 

“Can I?” He asked.

 

Instead of answering Daesung reached for Jiyong’s cock and guided it into himself. Jiyong’s body tensed as he was engulfed by Daesung’s heat. He was tight and scorching, more so than any woman Jiyong had ever been with. Ji held himself still, waiting for a signal from Daesung to move. Eventually Daesung shifted into him and Jiyong began to thrust shallowly.

 

He began to pick up speed as Daesung’s moans urged him on. Daesung’s hands stroked over the overheated flesh of his chest. He felt good, so good. He stared at Daesung’s face below him as he thrust deeply.

 

“Shit” Jiyong breathed. Daesung bit at his lower lip, body arching into Jiyong’s thrusts. It was too much, lust and love mingled and crashed into Jiyong’s heart.

 

“No, no, nonono…” Ji tried to stop as he felt his balls contract. He tried to stop but Dae shifted up into him and he was done. He bent his head into the crook of Daesung’s neck as he came hard into the younger man.

 

“Noooo,” he groaned. “I’m sorry, sorry, sorry.”

 

He babbled and cringed into Daesung’s neck.

 

“I tried to stop.”

 

“Ji,” Daesung’s voice was warm. “Ji it’s ok.”

 

“I wanted it to be perfect and you haven’t even come yet.” Ji’s face flushed with embarrassment and shame as he felt his wilting cock slip out of Daesung.

 

“Don’t worry about me.” Daesung grinned, sweat-wet hair dripping over his eyes. He rolled over to his bedside table and grabbed his own lube and condom. He rolled back to Ji. “Lets keep going.”

 

Ji nodded, aching to satisfy Daesung.

 

__________

 

Hours later, spent and sated, both men sprawled in a tangle of limbs and sheets.

 

“You are so fucking tight, Ji.” Daesung complimented, tracing Jiyong’s jaw with a finger. “And I love your round ass.”

 

Ji beamed. “You’re pretty tight yourself, Dae.”

 

“Was it ok?” Ji felt suddenly self-conscious.

 

“Hell yeah.” Daesung’s grin reached his eyes. “It was amazing. I didn’t think you’d be up for that.”

 

“Um, well.” Ji looked away. “I went out with Seunghyun-hyung earlier this morning and… um… we had an interesting conversation.”

 

“Interesting,” Daesung repeated.

 

“I asked for some advice.” Jiyong said.

 

Daesung laughed. “I’m going to have to thank him then, it was perfect advice.”

 

“I had no clue what I was doing.”

 

“Well for having no clue you did it well,” Daesung pulled Jiyong into him.

 

“Daedae,” Ji twirled his fingers over Daesung’s chest.

 

“Yeah, hyung.”

 

“How long have you liked me?” Ji asked.

 

Dae looked down into Ji’s eyes.

 

“That first night you said you’d known a long time. And Seunghyun said he confessed to you once.” He felt the muscles in the arm around him stiffen and he continued. “But you rejected him because you liked someone else. Was it me? Did you like me that long ago?”

 

“I’ve loved you for a really long time.” Daesung said quietly. “Sometimes it feels like forever. I’ve loved you since before we debuted, Jiyong-ah.”

 

Jiyong couldn’t respond, overwhelmed at the feelings swimming in Daesung’s eyes.

 

He pulled his eyes away and curved into Daesung’s side.

  
“Tell me about it.” he whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

He hadn’t thought it would be like this. He’d known it would be difficult, but not quite like this. He stares, unseeing, at the wall behind President Yang, flush of shame rising in his cheeks. He tries to breathe past the roiling anguish in his chest.

 

They have a month and a half. Six short weeks to prove they belong in the group. Six weeks before the president decides who he is going to cut.

 

“Jiyong, you want to train for six years and go home?” President Yang’s voice is incredulous.

 

Daesung glances at Jiyong and he’s smiling!

 

In the midst of being dressed down he grins!

 

Daesung can barely believe his eyes. All he wants in the world is to be a singer, and in a month and a half his dream could slip through his fingers and Jiyong-hyung is smiling. Part of him doesn’t really believe that Youngbae or Jiyong could really be cut. But he’s only been here a few short months. He could go in a moment.

 

After the president leaves he fiddles with his backpack as watches the older boys gather their things. A firm look settles in Jiyong’s eyes: determination. Daesung wishes he could share the feeling.  

 

“It’ll be ok, Daesungie.” Seunghyun’s deep voice rolls over his shoulder. Daesung looks up to smile reassuringly at the older boy.

 

“Of course it will be, hyung.” He allows his smile to reach his eyes.

 

Seunghyun runs a hand through Daesung’s hair then throws an arm over his shoulders. He slips an earbud into Daesung’s ear. Daesung looks at the taller boy questioningly.

 

“Part of your ongoing education.” Seunghyun comments.

 

Daesung knew nothing of pop music before he came to YG. All he’d known was his audition song. He sings everything he can get his hands on in an attempt to catch up. He hums along to the tune.

 

“No Diggity” Seunghyun sings, nodding as he pulls Daesung forward to join the rest of the departing group.

 

They walk side by side down the darkened streets. Daesung welcomes the cold air across his face, it chills the heat of the studio, the heat of his shame. He walks listening to Seunghyun’s low singing. As they walk his eyes keep drifting over towards Jiyong and the stubborn, determined set of his shoulders.

 

He admires the slight boy’s years of training.

 

He envies his hyung’s air of confidence.

 

He watches him the rest of the night, wishing every step of the way he was Kwon Jiyong.

 

___________________________

It’s been another long day at the studio. Daesung’s whole body aches. He loves walking in the cold with his hyung’s, though. The chill is always soothing on overheated muscles.

 

He walks, ear bud blasting away in one ear, the other attached to Big Seunghyun sauntering beside him.

 

“Daesungie you gonna come back to the dorm with us?” Seunghyun asks.

 

“Yeah, hyung.” Daesung says as he looks at his watch. “It’s only 8:30. I can come over for a couple hours.”

 

Seunghyun breaks into a wide grin and throws his arm around Daesung’s shoulder. It’s become his favorite way to walk. Daesung likes the pressure, the closeness. He shoves his hands in his pockets and tilts his head back into the crook of Seunghyun’s arm.

 

Jiyong is walking ahead of them, jumping on and off the curb with every third step. Daesung watches him, slow smile creeping across his lips. Jiyong is always full of energy, bouncing around despite a full 12 hours non stop at the studio. His notices the way Jiyong’s shaggy hair flips out underneath his beanie and bites his lip. He feels a tug in his stomach and has to look away. That feeling has been surfacing with regularity, he realizes uncomfortably.

 

Eventually they make it to the dorm and the boys swarm the rice cooker, fighting to fill their bowls.

 

“Maknae,” Youngbae shouts, yanking a bottle of juice from Little Seunghyun’s hands. “Make some omelettes!”

 

“But, hyung - ” Little Seunghyun protests.

 

“Omelettes!” Youngbae commands. “And then you can have some juice.”

 

“Yes, hyung,” Little Seunghyun bows and starts fishing through the kitchen for a pan and eggs.

 

Daesung is shoveling rice into his face when Jiyong plops down right next to him. He squirms away so his thigh doesn’t press up so tightly against Ji’s.

 

“Ya, Daesungie,” Big Seunghyun ruffles his hair as he sits down at Daesung’s other side. “You really must love us, to eat the maknae’s cooking instead of your mom’s.”

 

“Hyuu-uung.” Daesung whines trying to straighten his hair. “Why do you always have to do that?”

 

“It’s cute. It never wants to stay down.” Big Seunghyun replies, reaching out a hand to re-ruffle the tufts to stick out every which way.

 

“Ahh” Daesung pulls his head back to protest.

 

“It is cute.” Jiyong agrees around a mouthful of rice. He stretches out two fingers to ruffle Dae’s hair.

 

Daesung freezes, breath caught in his chest.

 

“Omelettes!” Shouts the maknae, as he sets down a large pan of glorified scrambled eggs.

 

“Good job.” Youngbae praises as he pours Little Seunghyun a large bowl of juice. The maknae greedily gulps it down in one go as the older boys tear into the eggs.

 

Later Daesung sits alone on the couch, stomach pleasantly full, eyes drooping and drowsiness pulling at his limbs. He listens to Big Seunghyun singing loudly - and badly - from the shower. Jiyong, freshly showered, comes out of his room, towelling his hair, muscle shirt clinging tightly to his still damp skin. He cocks his head to listen to their hyung and screws up his face.

 

“Where’s everyone else?” Jiyong asks. Again he sinks down to sit at Daesung’s side, pressing their thighs together.

 

“Um,” Daesung starts, all semblance of words fleeing his mind. Youngbae walks out of his room at just that moment, carrying a large basket of laundry.

 

“Ya,” he shouts, “I just sent Hyunseung and Little Seunghyun out to get water, I’m going to sort through all this.” He hitches the basket up and disappears to the laundry room beyond the kitchen.

 

“MMMmm” Jiyong responds, mostly to himself. He leans and snuggles into Daesung, wet hair dripping onto Daesung’s shoulder. He smells good. Daesung notes as he inhales deeply. He smells of herbal soap and of something muskier - his deodorant Daesung assumes.  

 

“You’re so warm, Daesungie. Just like your smile.” Ji snuggles in deeper. Daesung reminds himself to breathe every few seconds as he feels Jiyong’s breathing slow and even out.

 

___________________________

 

Daesung drops his bag down on the practice room floor, humming under his breath.

 

“Jiyong’s sick” Little Seunghyun says over his shoulder, not breaking step as he dances to the music blaring from the stereo.

 

“What?” Daesung asks, unsure he heard correctly.

 

Little Seunghyun nods towards the door where Big Seunghyun is leaning. Daesung walks over to lean anxiously next to him.

 

“Is someone sick?”

 

“Ya, Daesungie.” Seunghyun nods. “Ji was here earlier but he looked terrible. Flu I think. He went to see a doctor a little bit ago.”

 

Daesung perches on the balls of his feet. “Is he ok? Did he get to sing? Is he going to rest afterwards? Was he feverish? Maybe I should go the dorm and make him some soup.”

 

“It’s ok Daesung” Seunghyun sooths as he strokes Daesung’s shoulder with a warm hand. “I’m sure he’ll be ok. We can go see him at the dorm later.”

 

Daesung forced himself to relax. “Yeah, ok.”

 

“Don’t you have to sing today?” Seunghyun asked.

 

“Mmmm,” Dae hums distractedly.

 

Seunghyun nudges his chin with a gentle fist. “Daesungie, he’ll be ok, I promise.” Seunghyun dips his head trying to catch Daesung’s eyes.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Daesung repeats, trying to convince himself.

 

“Come on.” Seunghyun nudges Daesung out of the practice room, grabbing the younger boy’s backpack and slinging it across his shoulders. “You’re going to be useless today.”

 

Seunghyun walks with him all the way back to the dorm and leaves him at the door.

 

“Hyung,” Daesung exclaims as Seunghyun begins to turn away. “You’re not coming in?”

 

“Na, Daesungie,” Seunghyun ruffles his hair. “I have dance practice later. I can’t miss it. Take care of Jiyongie for us, kay?” He gives Daesung a brief half-hug before walking away.

 

Daesung slips into the dorm, and takes off his shoes. He pads over to the kitchen and takes stock of the cabinets. He starts up the rice cooker and grabs a bottle of water then walks softly towards Jiyong’s room. He gives a little tap and cracks the door.

 

“Hyung?” he pushes his head into the room.

 

Jiyong is curled up on his black couch, wrapped in a heavy blanket, only an arm and his head visible. He is scribbling furiously into a ratty notebook, words scribbled all over the page.

 

“Hyung?” Daesung repeats, louder.

 

Jiyong raises his head to look at him, face drained and pale. Daesung feels his heart clench in sympathy. Jiyong looks drained and weak. He finishes opening the door and steps hesitantly into the room.

 

“I’ve started making you some rice and soup.” He says in a half-whisper.

 

“Daesung, shouldn’t you be practicing?” Jiyong tries to look stern, but fails.

 

Daesung stands stupidly, not sure how to respond. He looks down at his hands for something to do and sees the bottle he’d grabbed. He walks over to Jiyong’s desk and uses both hands to place it beside a stack of cd’s. He bows shallowly towards the older boy and then backs away quickly.

 

“It’ll be ready soon, hyung.” He squeaks out in a rush, forcing a tentative smile.

 

Jiyong nods slowly before curling back into his blanket. He rests his head on his notebook and speaks quietly.

 

“Thank you, Daesung. Your smile is already making me feel better, the way it lights up your eyes.”  

 

On the other side of the door Daesung catches his breath before heading back to the kitchen to begin cutting vegetables. For some reason his heart won’t stop racing no matter how deeply he breathes.

 

___________________________

 

“Hey what’s that?”

 

Daesung starts and quickly covers his notebook. “Oh, Kunwoo-ya.”

 

“Was that a name?” Daesung’s best friend teases. “A girl’s name?”

 

Daesung’s face flushes hot. “No,” he mumbles.

 

“Yes it was!” Kunwoo’s face splits into a huge grin. “Who is she? Does she go here? What’s her name…?”

 

He scrunches up his face trying to remember what he’d just seen. “Kwo-on?”

 

“No!” Daesung shouts, a little too forcefully. He opens up a book and begins to ruffle through the pages, starting at it a little too intently.

 

Kunwoo snorts and sits down at the desk next to his.

 

___________________________

 

“How could you have slept last night if you didn’t know the steps!?” Jiyong is furious.

 

Daesung flinches with his whole body and he stares at the ground. The music from the practice room next door thuds into the silence. Little Seunghyun’s team is practicing their choreography for the upcoming dance battle.

 

Daesung chances a look at Jiyong then quickly lowers his eyes back down. He’d been thrilled when Jiyong picked him to be part of his dance team. He wanted so badly do to well. The choreography just isn’t sticking in his brain, no matter how he practices. He shares a guilty look with Hyunseung.

 

“Sorry, hyung,” he murmurs. He knows this is important. He feels fear and something else clawing at his heart. He really, really, really doesn’t want to be cut. But worse is the growing realization of how much it hurts to have Jiyong angry at him. It hurts almost as much as the thought of having to leave YG.

 

“I will try harder.” It is the only thing he can think of to say to this boy who’s disappointment stings more deeply than it should.

 

___________________________

 

“Ya, Daesungie” Seunghyun turns down the stereo. “What are you still doing here? Don’t you have to be home by 11?”

 

“I begged my dad to let me sleep at the dorm tonight,” Daesung pants as he glides through the steps Jiyong choreographed.

 

“The dance battle is tomorrow,” he continues.

 

“Yeah,” Seunghyun agrees. “The dance battle is tomorrow and you need your rest, come on if you’re sleeping in the dorm.”

 

“One more time through.” Daesung leans down to turn the music back up as the song begins to repeat.

 

Seunghyun sits to watch Daesung move through the steps, sweat dripping off his broad nose and plastering his shirt to his chest.

 

Afterwards they walk home together, Seunghyun with an arm across Daesung’s shoulders, stride shortened to walk in pace with the shorter boy.

 

“Come on,” Seunghyun whispers as they tip-toe into the darkened dorm. “You can sleep in my bed since everyone else is out.”

 

___________________________

 

They’d lost. After everything, he’d failed his hyung. Daesung never wanted to look up again. He could feel tears of anger and frustration, tears of self-loathing, hovering just behind his eyes. He’d managed to remember the steps but it hadn’t been enough.

 

Seunghyun moves to come towards him after President Yang announces the winner, but he shakes his head and flees the room as soon as possible. He wanders the halls of YG Entertainment listlessly. Eventually his feet find their way to the roof - to the cool air.

 

He braces himself against the parapet, willing his pain to disappear into the glowing lights of the city. The lights twinkle and blur as tears started to course down his cheeks, frozen by the wind. He buries his head in his hands and let the sobs shake him.

 

“It’s not your fault, Daesungie.” A soft voice half-whispers from the darkness.

 

He jerks up and looks over to Jiyong, sitting on the deep ledge watching the city.

 

“Hyung,” he starts.

 

“Don’t cry, Daesung” Jiyong speaks in a flat voice.

 

“I’m so sorry, hyung.” Daesung speaks around broken sobs.

 

“Didn’t you hear President Yang?” Jiyong continues over Daesung. “It wasn’t the dancing that lost. You did fine. I’m proud of you, Daesungie, of you and Hyunseung. You did good. You did it just like I choreographed.”

 

Jiyong pulls his legs up to his chest and wraps them with his slender arms.

 

“Didn’t you hear why we lost?” his voice starts to break and he breathes in and out slowly.

 

Daesung watches his hyung, dazzled by the light throwing shadows across Jiyong’s face, sparkling in the tears slowly running down his cheeks.

 

“We lost because of me.” Jiyong states.

 

“We lost because of the styling, because the choreography wasn’t good enough. Little Seunghyun had a whole package, makeup, hair, and image. And I had nothing.” He finishes bitterly.

 

“It’s ok Jiyong-hyung.” Daesung says, searching for something else, something deeper, for the words to ease the ache in Jiyong’s eyes.

 

“Everyone thinks I’m a genius, some prodigy. They’ve been saying it about me for years. But I’m not. I hate it when they say that. That I’m going to lead some great ground-breaking group. I’m just me, Daesung.” He squeezes himself tightly, compacting himself as small as he can go.

 

“I’m just me,” he repeats, “Kwon Jiyong. And I can fuck up just like everyone else.”

 

His heart clenches, aching in sympathy for the boyin front of him. Aching to take away his pain. 

 

I Love You. The words ghost across Daesung’s heart and swirl through his mind, consuming and obliterating all other thoughts. I love you. The words reverberate under his skin and die on his lips.

 

“It’ll be ok, hyung.” He mumbles.

 

“It will be, Dae,” Jiyong forces a smile. “It will be as long as you’re smiling.”

 

He looks down at the younger boy. “Just smile for me Daesung.”

 

So he does.

 

________________

 

“So you’ve known since the beginning?” Jiyong asks.

 

“Yeah.” Daesung squeezes the smaller man sheltering in his arms, unable to believe he was actually there.

 

“I tried not to love you after that.” Daesung says. “I tried for a long time, years.”

 

“Was I,” Jiyong pauses, unsure if he wants to ask this question. “Was this your first-”

 

Daesung turns his head away.

 

“First time with a man? Jiyong finishes in a rush.

 

Daesung doesn’t speak.

 

“It wasn’t, was it?” Jiyong feels the familiar pang of jealousy that always seems to overwhelm him when it comes to Daesung. He tries, desperately, to calm it, to push it down.

 

“No, it wasn’t my first time. But it’s the first time it actually mattered.” Daesung says. He tightens his arms around Jiyong’s slight frame.

 

“Smile Jiyong-ah,” Daesung chides. “We’re here now and that’s what matters.”

 

Jiyong scowls so Daesung kisses him, smile starting to play at his lips.

 

“I like you jealous.” He speaks into Jiyong’s lips.

  
Jiyong scowls harder and Daesung laughs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: If you haven't you really should watch the BigBang Documentary. I couldn't have written this without it so thanks to all the subbers who worked on it!


End file.
